A Tale of Broken Hearts and Lost Souls
by Just Lucy
Summary: Jacob & Bella postEclipse. Jacob is gone and Bella will soon find out. How will she deal with it?


**Title**: A Tale of Broken Hearts and Lost Souls  
**Pairing**: Jacob/Bella

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, I just play with them sometimes.

**Author's Note**: Let me remind you that this is my first Twilight fic, so, please, be nice! And English is not my first language, so be warned that you might find silly mistakes in there, okay? _(A HUGE thanks to __**Denny**__ for reading it and correcting what she could.)_

_This fic is dedicated to __**Adara**__ for introducing me to the "Twilight world" and for being my "personal cheerleader" when I freaked out about this one... Thanks, honey, love ya!_

**A TALE OF BROKEN HEARTS AND LOST SOULS**

**I.****JACOB**

"_Try to understand that I'm  
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing  
And I don't feel the same"  
**(Everybody's Changing – Keane)**_

He's not a coward. He's just tired of pretending. Pretending that he's fine with her decision. Pretending that he can live with the idea of Bella – his Bella – as a vampire. If he's away, if he's the wolf, he doesn't have to think like Jacob. And if he doesn't think like Jacob, he doesn't think about Bella.

_Maybe he's just running away from himself…_

He understood why she had made that choice. He knew she wasn't ready to give up the life she was so sure was the only one she could have. He didn't doubt her love and he was sure she would be hurt with his escape. But he wasn't going to stick around to see the wedding. Not when he knew what it really meant.

_He's not supposed to be thinking about Bella, but what can he do when she's simply everywhere?_

He remembers her all the time. The way she looked that first time on the beach, all flirty and so, so pretty, wondering about vampires and werewolves. The way she had blossomed during the months Edward was away. The way she had looked at him, that afternoon in the kitchen, almost as if she would kiss him…

_If the phone hadn't rang…_

It had always been a long shot. He never really expected her to admit that she was in love with him, and when she had, it had been one of the best moments of his life. To have her in his arms, to see the love in her eyes, to be the one making her happy, making her feel complete… He knew it wouldn't last. He knew she would, sooner or later, choose Edward.

The choice itself hadn't been the toughest part. It had hurt more to accept that marrying Edward would mean, for Bella, giving up life. The hardest part, for him, was to accept that as soon as she was married to him, she wouldn't be Bella anymore.

_Still running, he made all the efforts to shut down his thoughts. But he was still seeing her. Feeling her. Loving her._

The truth was that his love wasn't enough. It should had been, he was offering her everything. He would love her and protect her and grow old with her. He would be there to laugh and to cry, to be happy and to fight. He would give her children to love and to raise…

_He was offering her life. Why wasn't it enough? Why would someone choose death over that?_

He had chosen to run to let Jacob Black behind. To stop thinking about all the things he should or would have done. Bella had been clear when she had left his house that day after the fight. And if he still had any hopes, they had ended painfully when the invitation had arrived.

Bella was getting ready to marry Edward. Bella was getting ready to die and become a vampire.

So Jacob would make things easy for everyone: he would disappear so she wouldn't worry about hurting her more. He would run away until he was so numb he wouldn't remember her anymore. He would finally stop waiting…

He was putting himself out of the game. He wouldn't fight for her anymore. He would just leave her be…

_He could only hope she was happy…_

**II.****BELLA**

"_Be my friend, hold me  
Wrap me up, unfold me  
I am small and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me"  
**(Breathe Me – Sia)**_

It wasn't that she guessed it or felt it or anything supernatural. She just knew it. From the moment Alice had stopped the wedding talk to announce that Charlie was about to show up at the Cullen's, she knew what it was all about even before looking into his worried face when he entered the room.

He talked for a while, but she only heard two words: _"Jacob"_and_ "gone"_. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes and she left the house without looking back, wishing with all her strength, that Edward would stay behind and not try to stop her. Once more she felt the pain getting to her and as it had always been where Jacob was concerned, she couldn't tell if the pain was his or hers.

She drove to La Push without thinking twice, without wondering if she was still welcome there after having made the choice that made Jacob leave.

_Jacob. Gone. She sighed, tears running freely down her face now._

She parked outside Billy's and she could see the rest of Jake's pack there, but she didn't hesitate. She had to know. It was simple like that. The rest of the world didn't matter anymore. But when she entered the house, she didn't find any anger or resentment. She found pain and understanding. Somehow, they didn't blame her, as she had thought they would.

"Jacob understands, Bella, he really does." Sam said when she had voiced her surprise about their feelings. "He knows why you made your choice, so we can't help but understand it too. We can't hate you, not when he loves you so much."

She cried harder then, her hands in her face, her heart breaking in a million pieces with the pain she knew now was shared with his. Behind her closed eyes, she could still see his face; burned in her mind were his broken smile and sad eyes and her heart went to him trying to reach him, to bring him back. Wherever he was, she wanted him back.

"He'll come back when he's ready." Sam answered her unspoken question, when she only looked at him. "We don't know where he is and we don't want to intrude, Bella. He doesn't want to be here now…"

She nodded, biting her lower lip to fight another wave of tears. She looked at Billy, who was sitting calmly, his face blank. She wanted to say something, to ask for forgiveness, to say she would do anything to bring Jacob back. But the older Black looked up before she could say what was on her mind. His black eyes, so much like Jacob's, seemed to ask her not to say anything she would regret later, so she kept it to herself.

She could see her wedding invitation on the table, and tried not to think about what Jacob had felt when he had got it. How had he got it? Once again, she didn't have to ask the question to get Sam's answer. Eyes closed, she breathed deeply, trying not to judge, trying not to lose it.

_The drive home was slow and painful. But her eyes were dry this time._

Edward was there, of course, waiting for her in her bedroom, his golden eyes dark with worry and fear. She stood in the doorway for a minute, looking at him without saying a word. He waited to see what she would say and how she would react at him after finding out he had sent the invitation.

She closed the door without a sound and sighed, still looking at him. The words they spoke weren't angry, but sad (his) and full of guilt (hers). He was sad because she was hurting, and he hated to see her in pain. And she was feeling guilty for the mess she had created, for loving both and having to choose one, for creating what was, for her, an unbearable situation.

For a second, she wondered if the feelings in their words weren't backwards. She should be only sad about the situation while he should be feeling guilty for sending the invitation, not the other way around. But she didn't feel like going there now. It had been a long day…

_She locked the window that night and it was the first time, since they had met, that it had stayed like that._

She was expecting the nightmare when she finally fell asleep that night, but it didn't change the way it hurt when it finally came. This time, it wasn't about her wandering around looking for someone, or being lost, or being hurt. This time, it was Jacob, wolf Jacob, running fast, never looking back. She could only watch him run and howl and couldn't do anything to help.

As it had always been, she was feeling what he felt and it broke her heart in a piercing, extremely painful way. She woke up crying, not in the desperate way she had during the "Edward nightmares", but with tears streaming down her face and her whole being aching with pain. Jacob's pain.

She stood by the window and watched the sunrise, trying to imagine where Jacob was. She had known when she had chosen Edward and life as a vampire, that she wouldn't be able to be friends with Jake anymore. But she didn't expect it to be like that. She hadn't guessed Jacob would be gone and she would feel so… empty.

_It was too painful to think about a life without Jacob. She had never thought about it._

She could see the sun starting to shine through the tick clouds but, somehow, it was still all dark for her. Her sun was gone and she wasn't sure if she was ready to live her life without him…

_The fact that she didn't need him to live didn't change the fact that she didn't want to live without him…_

**III.****JACOB/BELLA**

"_Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn?"  
**(What About Now – Daughtry)**_

Time went by swiftly. The changes in her were slow and painless and she wouldn't have noticed most of them if it wasn't for the different looks on Alice's face when they were together. But she never asked and neither did Alice. She just waited, trying to deal with whatever was happening with her.

The first couple of days were the worst. Edward didn't show up and she didn't call. She barely left the room and only talked to Alice because she knew the Cullens would be worried about her. But Alice didn't intrude; she just watched carefully all of Bella's reactions. Every sigh and every tear were noted, surely for Edward's sake.

And then one day, almost a month after she had found out about Jacob leaving, Alice didn't show up. Edward did. For a second, she didn't understand what he was doing there. But then, she knew. Alice had seen the decision before Bella had accepted it. Now it was time to do the right thing. Time to make the choice and stick with it.

_It was a fact that the hurting would be always there. But she couldn't keep living that half-life…_

He came back almost a year later, and only because Billy got sick and Sam made all the efforts to find him. It had been hard, as Jacob had learned to turn off everything and live in silence with only his thoughts, but Sam knew Jacob would want to be there, in case the worst happened, so he kept trying.

He arrived late at night, in his human form that seemed so weird for him, after all those months being only the wolf. Billy was really happy to see his son after all that time and for a while it seemed as if the old Black would make a great recovery… But the disease was strong and his body was weak from the years. Only a couple of weeks had passed since Jacob's arrival, when Billy died, silently, during his sleep.

_It was weird to feel another kind of pain. He had been so used to feel the pain coming from losing Bella that he had forgotten there were other things that hurt just as much…_

It had hurt to hear about Billy's death. She was away for almost a year now, but she still held all the people from La Push in her heart. They had been family for so long it was impossible to let go. She knew the old Black had been sick for a long time, but she wasn't ready to deal with his death.

Charlie had been so broken on the phone that she had wished to go to Forks right away, just to stay with him. But there were lots of things to consider before making that decision, so she decided to think straight before anything else. Would she be welcome? Would she be able to be present to say goodbye to Billy? Would Jacob be there?

_She didn't want to think about how it would feel to be around Jake again. She wouldn't be that selfish. She would do the right thing._

Burying his father had been harder than he'd imagined. It was a simple burial, a few people talking nice words about Billy, the pack reunited for the first time in a year, everyone supporting Jacob, who seemed more adult than they all remembered. After the ceremony, he stood alone next to his father's grave, thinking about all that he had missed and wondering if it had been worth it.

He had been away for a year, running around like the wolf, never turning into Jacob, and fooling himself all the time. He hadn't forgotten Bella, it hadn't stopped hurting. He had just gotten used to it. And at what cost? He had lost a whole year with his father. And now here he was, alone in La Push. No Billy. No Bella. And a whole lot of pain.

Selfishly as it seemed, he couldn't help but think about Bella. He had wanted to ask Charlie about her, but was afraid of the answer. And he noticed the whole pack had been really careful not to think about her.

_The sad thing was that a part of him did want to know where she was and what she was doing. But another part of him was afraid to hear details about the wedding and about how she had never come back. So he didn't ask._

She stood alone, somehow hid between trees and old graves, during the whole burial. She heard the words spoken by her dad, by Sam and by Jacob. She noticed how old he looked and how broken he was. More broken than she remembered. And when everyone left and he stood there, she felt his pain as if it was her own. Again.

She could see his face and she knew what he was thinking. Guilt was written all over his face, and she wanted to go to him and hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. She wanted to tell him not to feel guilty; she wanted him to know that Billy had understood. But she couldn't. So she simply stood there, watching him.

_She had always felt his pain but after a year, she had almost forgotten how painful it was…_

Somehow, he noticed her. He didn't know how, but he simply felt Bella's presence and looked up to meet the brown eyes that had been engraved into his mind all that time. She was as beautiful as he remembered and her eyes carried a sadness that he knew matched his one. Her brown eyes, not black or gold or whatever color they should be.

He sensed her hesitation and realized Bella was about to bolt. He couldn't let her go, not without understanding. If she was married and if she was one of them, she shouldn't be there. But if she wasn't…

_He wasn't going to let himself think about that. No more hoping, he had promised himself long ago. And he wasn't going to break his own promise…_

**IV**

"_The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day.  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace."  
**(What About Now – Daughtry)**_

"I'm sorry about Billy, Jake." she offered, as soon as he got closer. "I can only imagine how you're feeling and I…"

"What are you doing here, Bella?" Jacob's voice was angry and broken and she tried to pretend it hadn't hurt her to hear it.

"My dad called to let me know and I thought…" She sighed, fighting with tears that threatened to fell "I just wanted to be here. You weren't supposed to see me, so I'll go now and we can pretend that this… encounter didn't happen, okay?"

"Wait, Bella!" He grabbed her arm as soon as she started to leave and couldn't help but notice that she wasn't cold or marble-like. "What are you really doing here, Bells?" His voice was soft this time and he sounded a lot more like her Jacob.

"I wanted to see you, Jake. It's been a year, you know? And I knew you would be hurt so I just… I wanted to be here for you in some way. Any way, actually." She shrugged. "Even if being here meant only watching you from afar."

"I didn't think you would be here. I didn't know you would be allowed to, you know?" They had started to walk away from the cemetery, side by side, carefully not touching each other, both afraid that they would wake up sooner or later. "I didn't know, Bella…"

"I never asked them not to tell you about me. I guess they just didn't want to make things harder for you, with Billy being sick and all of that." She sighed and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his without thinking twice.

"So you're not… married?"

"No, not married. Or anywhere close to being married." She sighed and looked around. She had missed La Push. She had missed that part of her life. "I'm away at college. Studying to be a teacher and considering coming back to Forks after graduation, which will freak out Renée in ways I don't even want to think about…"

"And what would make you want to live here again, Bella?"

"The rain, Jake. You know how much I love the rain." She rolled her eyes at him and smiled when she realized they were at the beach. "I love it here. It's so beautiful."

"Yeah, it is. Very beautiful." He said, looking at her, not the beach, but she didn't notice. "So you're not a leech, you're going to be a teacher and you plan to live in Forks. I guess I've been away longer than I thought."

"I see that a year away didn't change your sense of humor, Jacob." She sounded annoyed, but her smile was still there. "It's good to know some things never change."

"But some do, right?" He sounded a little anxious but when she looked at him, he was smiling "Or you wouldn't be here now."

"Yes, you're right." She smiled back and leaned against him. It was still effortless to be with him. "What you're going to do now, Jake. Are you going away again?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay in La Push. I guess I can find something interesting to do here."

"Good." She smiled "Then maybe we'll see each other when I'm in town visiting Charlie."

"That sounds like a good idea!" He tried to sound normal when he said it, but the excitement was clear in his voice. "We do have a lot of catching up to do, right?"

"Oh, yes, we do. There's a lot to talk about." They shared a smile. "But not right now, not today." She sighed and smiled at him in a way he only dreamt she would.

"We have all the time in the world, Bells…"

_This time, there were no more secrets, or hiding agendas, or games. There were only Jacob and Bella and a whole future ahead…_

_**The End**  
_


End file.
